http://www.hulu.com/watch/311565/saturday-night-live-tebow#s-p1-sr-i1

Tim Tebow Saturday Night Live Skit

Chicago BEARS 10

Denver BRONCOS 13

[Announcer]

Another miracle win for the Denver Broncos who beat the Chicago Bears by 3 in overtime. The Broncos have now win 6 in a row behind quarterback Tim Tebow.

[Tim Tebow - Taran Killam]

Alright, alright, I want to thank you guys for believing in me. I know I started a little shaky out there, but we pulled it out ’cause we stuck together!

[Team]

Yeah….

[Tim Tebow]

And also, I gotta thank the most important person in my life, my Lord and savior Jesus Christ because I could not do this without him. Thank you Jesus!

[Jesus - Jason Sudekis]

Hey everybody!

[Tim Tebow]

Jesus! He has risen.

[Jesus]

Oh no no no – not really just a quick visit so ah everybody take a seat – go ahead take a seat. Chill out. Ah. First of all, you’re welcome. Yes I, Jesus Christ, am indeed the reason you’ve won your past six football games, alright.

[Tim Tebow]

I knew it!

[Jesus]

Ok. Whoa Tim! Easy easy. Hey buddy, leave a little room for the holly ghost, ok.

[Tim Tebow]

Alright

[Jesus]

Ah, here’s the thing. Ok, if we are gonna keep doing this, you guys gotta meet me half way out there, let’s face it, it’s not a good week if every week I the son of God have to come in and drop everything and bail out the Denver Broncos in the fourth quarter. Ok. I’m a busy guy.

[Tim Tebow]

So wait! Your only helping in the fourth quarter.

[Jesus]

Ah – Ya! Ya, if you watch the game film of the first half, I mean come on, 3 for 16, ah come on, I can throw better I’m 2010 years old ah hah.

[Tim Tebow]

I pray to you before every game.

[Jesus]

Ya – I know, I know. I appreciate that that here’s something else you should do before the game eyy eyy stretch. You know, get the arm warm, you know, read the Playbook, alright, do you read that?

[Tim Tebow]

The Holly Bible is my playbook

[Jesus]

Oh, ok great, that’s great. That’s great, but ah but you need to read the reg- you need to read the regular playbook ok?

[Tim Tebow]

(nods head)

[Jesus]

But seriously, I’m doing all the work here.

[Team]

Ah, come on, don’t be so hard on Tim, he’s helping us win.

[Jesus]

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ah, that’s cute, that’s cute, now, no, Tim’s doing his best God bless him. But you know who you should be thanking, your kicker. Ok, I mean you don’t win unless this guy hits a 59 yard-er, I’m serious, man, Matt Prater, I pray to you, brother.

[Matt Prater - Andy Samberg]

Wow! You pray to me! I didn’t know that.

[Jesus]

Ah ya, you know, that’s because I’m not in every one’s face about it.

[Jesus]

(head knocks Tim)

[Team]

So Jesus spends his time helping people win football games?

[Jesus]

Well you know, here’s the thing, I just go where people call me the most, nowadays that’s a lot of football games. Ah, also the country music awards. You know, I decide all those. Ah, I’m right there at any black event where food is served.

[Team]

Hey man! (laughs)

[Jesus]

(laughs) I’m sorry. I’m forgiven.

[Jesus]

Look, you see the point is you guys gotta help yourself a little, I mean. Can you do that for me?

[Broncos Team]

Yes

[Jesus]

Alright, listen, I can’t be around next week, I got a big birthday coming up and ah, ah I kind of tough to shop for. What do you get for the man who sacrificed everything, right?

[Tim Tebow]

Ya..(laughs)

[Jesus]

Don’t don’t need that. LYBIO.net

[Jesus]

It’ a medium joke at best, alright, I don’t need that, come one. So here’s my advice, alright, just focus up, alright and you’ll be fine. Alright. Who you play next?

[Tim Tebow]

The Patriots.

[Jesus]

Oh boy! Really! Wow! Ok, I did not know that, that’s gonna be a tough one, alright hey, this doesn’t leave this room but if I’m the son of God, Tom Brady’s gotta be the guys nephew, alright. That guys a miracle worker, ok, oh, put that coach ah Belichick, let’s just say: (devil sign) so they are coming at you both ways there. Alright, so any whoo. I’m off to a beauty pageant so best of luck next week, so I’ll try to watch Tim, Tim. I love you.

[Tim Tebow]

(I know) I love you too.

[Jesus]

Ok, alright, just ah “take it down a notch”, will you buddy.

[Tim Tebow]

Yes, Lord, whatever you command.

[Jesus]

Ok, not a command just a request. Alright. Ok, I gotta catch this cloud, all see you all – whoa whoa by the way: Mormonism All True, every single word, ya. Alright, peace, see you guys.

[Team]

Alright, let’s hit the showers.

[All Team]

Ya….

Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue Source: LYBIO.net

Jesus Fucking Ween

And I’m really sorry on behalf of humanity for these fucking idiots:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/under-god/post/westboro-baptist-church-uses-iphone-to-announce-steve-jobs-funeral-protest/2011/10/06/gIQAJqBjPL_blog.html

Posted at 07:12 AM ET, 10/06/2011

Westboro Baptist Church uses iPhone to announce protest at Steve Jobs’s funeral

Westboro Baptist Church announced plans Wednesday night to protest Steve Jobs’s funeral, sending the message out. . .wait for it. . . via Twitter for iPhone.

Margie Phelps, daughter of the small church’s founder and the lawyer who represented the church during their First Amendment case at the Supreme Court, (which Westboro won,) was among the Phelps family members to use Apple products to Tweet about the death of the Apple co-founder.

“Westboro will picket his funeral.He had a huge platform; gave God no glory & taught sin,” Margie tweeted Wednesday night on her iPhone.

The Topeka, Kan. based church is mostly made up of Phelps family members but has risen to international infamy because of their funeral protests of celebrities and American soldiers. The church’s members believe that God punishes America for its tolerance of sin, including acceptance of homosexuality.

The iPhone-wielding Westboro members seemed unable to find any irony in their embrace of the technology of a man they condemn. One church member even suggested that God was using Jobs to help advance the message of Westboro Baptist Church: “God used Steve Jobs to create amazing STUFF for WBC to preach,” wrote Shirley Phelps-Roper.

This is a piece of her review of Good Without God: What a Billion Nonreligious People Do Believe:

The release of a Greg Epstein’s book, Good Without God, is a welcome resource for anyone who wishes to have more than just a superficial idea of what it means to be a humanist. In his discussion, Epstein reaches out to a wide range of people: nonbelievers, nonreligious, atheists, agnostics, anyone who do does not feel that their morality is derived from a belief in a god. Even the progressively religious can be humanist, or at least friendly allies, since the basic framework for being a humanist is to seek the best in yourself and others, and to believe in your own ability to make a positive difference in the world.

Well done.

The U.S. Constitution is at the heart of what the Campaign for Liberty stands for, since the very least we can demand of our government is fidelity to its own governing document.  Claims that our Constitution was meant to be a “living document” that judges may interpret as they please are fraudulent, incompatible with republican government, and without foundation in the constitutional text or the thinking of the Framers.  Thomas Jefferson spoke of binding our rulers down from mischief by the chains of the Constitution, and we are proud to follow in his distinguished lineage.

With our Founding Fathers, we also believe in a noninterventionist foreign policy.  Inspired by the old Robert Taft wing of the Republican Party, we are convinced that the American people cannot remain free and prosperous with 700 military bases around the world, troops in 130 countries, and a steady diet of war propaganda.  Our military overstretch is undermining our national defense and bankrupting our country.

We believe that the free market, reviled by people who do not understand it, is the most just and humane economic system and the greatest engine of prosperity the world has ever known.

I’m not thrilled with what appears to be alignment and re-definition around the Republican Party, but the Republicans can only benefit from the attempt.

Also worth checking out:
The Evangelical Atheist: Why Theism Matters by Walter Scott Hudson

Also, it had been a month since my last post.  I need to do better.

American Humanist Association

This cool sticker showed up in the mail the other day.  Thanks AHA!

I can’t quite bring myself to send you money, but don’t feel bad.  I am very selective about my monetary support.  I give to causes that directly benefit disabled or disadvantaged people.  I was giving for a while to People For the American Way, which I’m sure is how you got my address. But for now, I have to focus on people rather than causes. Regarding humanism, separation of church and state, and higher thinking in general, I have chosen to use my right of free speech to get the word out, so that will have to do for now.

Best of luck… and cheers!

Sarah Silverman Interview On Larry King Live 04/20/2010

She and Larry both confess being agnostics at the end of the clip.

This is a picture of the leaders for every major religion, including a likeness of Muhammad (kinda) – this was how episode 200 actually showed it:

The 200th episode tries very hard not just to piss off celebrities, but pretty much all major religions as well.  If you assume everyone that self-identifies with one of these religions was not happy, then that’s:

Christianity (includes Mormons): 2.1 billion
Islam: 1.5 billion
Hinduism: 900 million
Buddhism: 376 million

Offended Celebrities: what… maybe 50?

4.9 billion people who were offended (probably).

That leaves:

Secular/Nonreligious/Agnostic/Atheist: 1.1 billion… that thought it was hilarious (I expect).  Naturally, not all of these people in the total counts have seen the episode, but it shouldn’t be long after they see this post that they’ll watch it.

If you haven’t seen it, check it out.  It’s worth it, and I’m not even a South Park regular.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/267114

The script re-introducing Super Best Friends:

Announcer: In the great hall of the Super Best Friends there are assembled the leaders of the world’s biggest religions:
Jesus
Buddha
Krishna
Muhammad
Lao Tzu and Joseph Smith
…and the Mighty Seaman
Their mission… to right that which what is wrong and to serve all mankind.
Stan: Jesus, all we are asking is that you bring Muhammad to our town for like an hour.
Jesus: My son, much has changed since you were last here. Muhammad cannot make public appearances.
Buddha: We simply cannot risk any violence from the Muslim people.
Stan: Aww… not you guys too!  Jesus Fucking Christ!!

Matt and Trey talking about publishers pussing out (quite the head fucker):

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/04/13/south-park-turns-200.html

News flash: Muhammad (aka Mohammad, Mohammed, etc.) actually appears in an old episode.