Louis C.K.: $780,000 From Beacon Theater Special Online Sales Going to Staff, Charity

Comedian Louis C.K., known for his crude and raw humor, made a serious announcement that he would be giving away most of the money earned from selling his Beacon Theater special online. During an interview on “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” Wednesday, C.K. announced that he had made $1 million in sales from his online special so far because of ”a $5 impulse that 220,000 people had.” He admitted it was the first million he had made “all at once.” Perhaps struck with the joy of the holiday season, or just plain struck, C.K. said that he “felt uncomfortable having that much money,” so he divied it up: $250,000 went to production costs; $250,000 for his staff’s bonuses; and $280,000, the largest chunk, would be donated to five charities.
“I just started dishing it out,” he told Fallon.
C.K. said the charities include the Fistula Foundation, which helps abused women; Green Chimneys, which works with children and animals; the Pablove Foundation, which help children with cancer, Charity: Water, which provides clean drinking water to impoverished countries; and Kiva, a microfinance organization that offers small loans to people in need. The remaining $220,000 would go to fund a “new one,” C.K. added, laughing and pointing to his lower region. The comedian told “Nightline” anchor Bill Weir in a recent interview how he went rouge with the release of his “Louis C.K.: Live at the Beacon Theater” show, blowing off HBO and Comedy Central to sell downloads himself on his website for $5 a pop. Not only that, he also wrote, produced, performed and edited his fifth stand-up special on his MacBook Pro by himself . The special was posted on C.K.’s website, which has no corporate affiliation, on Dec. 10. Visitors can download the special for $5 using a PayPal account. C.K.’s comedic style has changed dramatically over the years. A decade ago, his act was more absurd, silly humor, but more recently, he goes for raw honesty. “It just kind of happened because when you start doing comedy you’re trying to think of funny things. You’re trying to find funny things, and you’re trying to be funny,” C.K. told Weir. ”At some point, you just get older. You grow up and you get tired of doing it and something happens where you just don’t care — you just can’t keep faking it, you can’t keep being fake.”
“Some people harden into a glazed version of their fake selves,” C.K. continued. ”‘I’ve seen them all the time. They’re frozen into this one face on stage. And after the show you’re like, ‘How you doing?’ and they’re like, ‘Yeah! I’m OK!’ And they’re living with some awful thing in their life. I said to myself at some point I’m either going to stop this or I’m going to do the wrong version of this. I was like, ‘these jokes suck.’ I had gone around many times with ’this guy’s funny, maybe he could do a TV show!’ ‘Ahh, maybe not.’ I’d gone that circle so many times, and I realized I don’t want to do this. Let’s really trash this career in a fabulous way.”

http://www.hulu.com/watch/311565/saturday-night-live-tebow#s-p1-sr-i1

Tim Tebow Saturday Night Live Skit

Chicago BEARS 10

Denver BRONCOS 13

[Announcer]

Another miracle win for the Denver Broncos who beat the Chicago Bears by 3 in overtime. The Broncos have now win 6 in a row behind quarterback Tim Tebow.

[Tim Tebow - Taran Killam]

Alright, alright, I want to thank you guys for believing in me. I know I started a little shaky out there, but we pulled it out ’cause we stuck together!

[Team]

Yeah….

[Tim Tebow]

And also, I gotta thank the most important person in my life, my Lord and savior Jesus Christ because I could not do this without him. Thank you Jesus!

[Jesus - Jason Sudekis]

Hey everybody!

[Tim Tebow]

Jesus! He has risen.

[Jesus]

Oh no no no – not really just a quick visit so ah everybody take a seat – go ahead take a seat. Chill out. Ah. First of all, you’re welcome. Yes I, Jesus Christ, am indeed the reason you’ve won your past six football games, alright.

[Tim Tebow]

I knew it!

[Jesus]

Ok. Whoa Tim! Easy easy. Hey buddy, leave a little room for the holly ghost, ok.

[Tim Tebow]

Alright

[Jesus]

Ah, here’s the thing. Ok, if we are gonna keep doing this, you guys gotta meet me half way out there, let’s face it, it’s not a good week if every week I the son of God have to come in and drop everything and bail out the Denver Broncos in the fourth quarter. Ok. I’m a busy guy.

[Tim Tebow]

So wait! Your only helping in the fourth quarter.

[Jesus]

Ah – Ya! Ya, if you watch the game film of the first half, I mean come on, 3 for 16, ah come on, I can throw better I’m 2010 years old ah hah.

[Tim Tebow]

I pray to you before every game.

[Jesus]

Ya – I know, I know. I appreciate that that here’s something else you should do before the game eyy eyy stretch. You know, get the arm warm, you know, read the Playbook, alright, do you read that?

[Tim Tebow]

The Holly Bible is my playbook

[Jesus]

Oh, ok great, that’s great. That’s great, but ah but you need to read the reg- you need to read the regular playbook ok?

[Tim Tebow]

(nods head)

[Jesus]

But seriously, I’m doing all the work here.

[Team]

Ah, come on, don’t be so hard on Tim, he’s helping us win.

[Jesus]

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ah, that’s cute, that’s cute, now, no, Tim’s doing his best God bless him. But you know who you should be thanking, your kicker. Ok, I mean you don’t win unless this guy hits a 59 yard-er, I’m serious, man, Matt Prater, I pray to you, brother.

[Matt Prater - Andy Samberg]

Wow! You pray to me! I didn’t know that.

[Jesus]

Ah ya, you know, that’s because I’m not in every one’s face about it.

[Jesus]

(head knocks Tim)

[Team]

So Jesus spends his time helping people win football games?

[Jesus]

Well you know, here’s the thing, I just go where people call me the most, nowadays that’s a lot of football games. Ah, also the country music awards. You know, I decide all those. Ah, I’m right there at any black event where food is served.

[Team]

Hey man! (laughs)

[Jesus]

(laughs) I’m sorry. I’m forgiven.

[Jesus]

Look, you see the point is you guys gotta help yourself a little, I mean. Can you do that for me?

[Broncos Team]

Yes

[Jesus]

Alright, listen, I can’t be around next week, I got a big birthday coming up and ah, ah I kind of tough to shop for. What do you get for the man who sacrificed everything, right?

[Tim Tebow]

Ya..(laughs)

[Jesus]

Don’t don’t need that. LYBIO.net

[Jesus]

It’ a medium joke at best, alright, I don’t need that, come one. So here’s my advice, alright, just focus up, alright and you’ll be fine. Alright. Who you play next?

[Tim Tebow]

The Patriots.

[Jesus]

Oh boy! Really! Wow! Ok, I did not know that, that’s gonna be a tough one, alright hey, this doesn’t leave this room but if I’m the son of God, Tom Brady’s gotta be the guys nephew, alright. That guys a miracle worker, ok, oh, put that coach ah Belichick, let’s just say: (devil sign) so they are coming at you both ways there. Alright, so any whoo. I’m off to a beauty pageant so best of luck next week, so I’ll try to watch Tim, Tim. I love you.

[Tim Tebow]

(I know) I love you too.

[Jesus]

Ok, alright, just ah “take it down a notch”, will you buddy.

[Tim Tebow]

Yes, Lord, whatever you command.

[Jesus]

Ok, not a command just a request. Alright. Ok, I gotta catch this cloud, all see you all – whoa whoa by the way: Mormonism All True, every single word, ya. Alright, peace, see you guys.

[Team]

Alright, let’s hit the showers.

[All Team]

Ya….

Complete Full Transcript, Dialogue Source: LYBIO.net

Jesus Fucking Ween

Reggie Watts – F_ck Sh_t Stack

Very clever commentary.

Sarah Silverman Interview On Larry King Live 04/20/2010

She and Larry both confess being agnostics at the end of the clip.

This is a picture of the leaders for every major religion, including a likeness of Muhammad (kinda) – this was how episode 200 actually showed it:

The 200th episode tries very hard not just to piss off celebrities, but pretty much all major religions as well.  If you assume everyone that self-identifies with one of these religions was not happy, then that’s:

Christianity (includes Mormons): 2.1 billion
Islam: 1.5 billion
Hinduism: 900 million
Buddhism: 376 million

Offended Celebrities: what… maybe 50?

4.9 billion people who were offended (probably).

That leaves:

Secular/Nonreligious/Agnostic/Atheist: 1.1 billion… that thought it was hilarious (I expect).  Naturally, not all of these people in the total counts have seen the episode, but it shouldn’t be long after they see this post that they’ll watch it.

If you haven’t seen it, check it out.  It’s worth it, and I’m not even a South Park regular.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/267114

The script re-introducing Super Best Friends:

Announcer: In the great hall of the Super Best Friends there are assembled the leaders of the world’s biggest religions:
Jesus
Buddha
Krishna
Muhammad
Lao Tzu and Joseph Smith
…and the Mighty Seaman
Their mission… to right that which what is wrong and to serve all mankind.
Stan: Jesus, all we are asking is that you bring Muhammad to our town for like an hour.
Jesus: My son, much has changed since you were last here. Muhammad cannot make public appearances.
Buddha: We simply cannot risk any violence from the Muslim people.
Stan: Aww… not you guys too!  Jesus Fucking Christ!!

Matt and Trey talking about publishers pussing out (quite the head fucker):

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/04/13/south-park-turns-200.html

News flash: Muhammad (aka Mohammad, Mohammed, etc.) actually appears in an old episode.

Love the comments on this video.  Too funny. Click the YouTube logo to watch it over there (and read the comments).

Sensible night, appropriate night

Snow on ground, left and right

Round yon purchase of decorative things

Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing

Function with relative ease,

Function with relative ease.

That was the lovely rendition of this traditional Christmas hymn rewritten for the masses. Shirley actually has a beautiful voice, but it was more hilarious than moving. I like this show because it’s clever and Joel McHale is funny as Jeff Winger (also see “The Soup“). Best of all, the show acknowledges every week that the world is made up of many different types of people, and this week, many different religious philosophies including “none” (Comparative Religion on Hulu).

Turns out, Shirley is a Christian (WWBJD – What would Baby Jesus Do?), Jeff is agnostic, Britta is an atheist, Troy is a Jehovah’s Witness, Abed is Muslim, and Annie’s a Jew. Oh, and Pierce is part of some dope smoking cult with Buddha bongs.  And don’t forget about non-denominational Mr. Winter!  They do a really nice riff off of each characters’ beliefs while skewering religion in general and essentially highlighting what little sense it makes.  Funny aside from Shirley when she noted that Britta brought something to the party that represented what she believes in… nothing.

Check it out.  Worth your time and good for a few laughs.

Cast:

Yvette Nicole Brown as Shirley
Danny Pudi as Abed
Gillian Jacobs as Britta
Joel McHale as Jeff
Alison Brie as Annie
Chevy Chase as Pierce
Donald Glover as Troy

Bonus:

Anthony Michael Hall as the Bully