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Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

Monkeys Talk About Religion

January 15th, 2009

This is absolutely hilarious. After watching it, I went looking for the transcript, but came up empty. So, for your viewing and reading pleasure, I bring you “Monkeys Talk About Religion” from Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy (preceded by The Life and Times of Tim with “Gay Gary”).

MONKEYS TALK ABOUT RELIGION

Monkey Son: Dad, today at school my teacher said we evolved from other animals. That’s not true, is it?
Monkey Dad: Of course not, Steven. We were created by Monkey God in His Monkey image.
Monkey Son: But how do we know for sure God’s a monkey?
Monkey Dad: Well, do you think God throws his own poop and enjoys jumping up and down in place?
Monkey Son: Yeah…?
Monkey Dad: And do you think when he’s eating bananas, he periodically stops chewing and looks around with an angry expression to make sure no one’s plotting to steal them?
Monkey Son: Yeah…?
Monkey Dad: And do you think his ass is slightly less hairy than the rest of his body?
Monkey Son: Yeah.
Monkey Dad: Then, there’s your answer, champ.
Monkey Son: OK… but how do we know God really loves us?
Monkey Dad: Because his Son died for our sins. Monkey Jesus could have ripped off the Roman’s arms and masturbated all over their bodies, but he chose love instead. And I think that makes Him pretty darn special.
Monkey Son: Cool! Thanks, Dad!
Monkey Mom: How’s our son doing?
Monkey Dad: He’s going to be OK, Paula. He’s going to be OK.

Agnostic, Atheism, Religion, Science, Video , , , , ,

George Carlin – Dead at 71

June 23rd, 2008

Legendary comedian George Carlin passed away Sunday night at the age of 71. I owned many of the original LPs that George cut back in the 70s and 80s… and I must say, as funny as those were, I really was impressed by his recent comeback. He had become much more outspoken about politics and religion, and the best part was that he forced you to think. He had not forgotten the value of a cheap laugh, but he also knew the power of intellect.

Incredibly, I had blogged about George just a few days ago. Wonder what would happen if I blogged about Glenn Beck? Hey, I just did!

George, you will be missed.

Look for the HBO George Carlin marathon on June 25-27.

read more | digg story

 

Atheism, History , , ,

Religion is Bullshit

June 18th, 2008

George Carlin is a very bright guy…

This is so good, I can’t stand it.

God loves you… but he needs your money!

There is no Humpty Dumpty and there is no god.

Atheism, Religion , , , , , , , , , , ,

Easter Greetings

March 24th, 2008

To help you celebrate Easter next year, here is a wonderful batch of Easter greetings for your loved ones… 

A friend of mine sent me a couple of these irreverent e-cards that definitely got a chuckle out of me.  These folks don’t seem to sit firmly in the non-belief camp, but whomever wrote these cards doesn’t take religion too seriously:

Let’s just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ

 

There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford

 

I hope the abundant Easter symbols of fertility and rebirth will remind us to fuck like bunnies

 

Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord’s promise means I’m saved and you’re not

 

Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross

 

The Easter Bunny still scares the living shit out of me

 

I’d love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist

 

Happy Easter from one lapsed Catholic to another

 

Please join us for Easter dinner unless you’ve already committed to Satan

 

Let’s resume everything we gave up for Lent without any newfound spiritual insights

 

Easter may be the wrong time to tell my parents you’re a Jew

 

Drag a pagan to church this Easter

 

After Jesus, you’re my second-favorite Jew

 

I wish the resurrection of our lord and savior was deemed important enough for a day off work

And the only one that actually made me laugh out loud (not Easter themed):

Have a happy Hanukkah, Hannukkah, Chanukkah, or however the fuck you spell it 

Thanks someecards.com — keep up the good work.

Atheism, Graphics, Religion , , , , , , ,

Mr. Diety

February 23rd, 2008

I wanted to take a sec and point out something I have enjoyed…  Mr. Deity.  Very clever. I liked it so much, including the theme music, that I made it my ringtone.  What I like even more is when my phone rings and I get to have a brief moment to reflect on my beliefs wherever I am.  It’s nice to be able to have that brief, yet clearly audible rebellion when I get a call. 

The creator of the show indicates he is a Formon (former Mormon), and as far as I can tell, an atheist.  On his home page (http://www.mrdeity.com) he has a link disguised in the HTML that would certainly imply so.  He directly links http://www.skeptic.com but has it in black-on-black to conceal it ever so slightly.  I guess like many of us, he’s trying to play it cool so he can lock down a lucrative TV deal and appeal to a wider audience.  Why is it that people of completely different religions have more tolerance for each other than for those of us who have essentially no mystical beliefs?  Go figure.

Atheism, Religion , , , ,