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Posts Tagged ‘god’

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14th, 2009

I love my wife more than you Christians love yours because I am not conflicted about whom I should put first in my life. 

I Know I Love My Wife

In case you are curious, this is by no means the only account of Valentine’s Day’s origin, but it’s probably the most agreed upon by secularists and religious folk (secular version first):

Roman emperor Claudius II imposed a ban on marriages because too many young men were dodging the draft by getting married (only single men had to enter the army). A Christian priest named Valentinus ignored the ban and performed secret marriages. He was caught, of course, which meant that he was imprisoned and sentenced to death. While awaiting execution, young lovers visited him with notes about how much better love is than war — the first “valentines.”

As you might have already guessed, the execution occurred in 269 CE on Februrary 14th, the Roman day dedicated to celebrating love and fertility. After a couple of centuries (in 469, to be precise), Emperor Gelasius declared it a holy day in honor of Valentinus instead of the pagan god Lupercus. This allowed Christianity to take over some of the celebrations of love and fertility which had previously occurred in the context of paganism.

Another similar version (written by a Christian zealot):

The Emperor’s ban on marriage for his soldiers was soon lifted when it became impossible to enforce. But this story now takes an odd turn. A short time after the execution of Valentine, the Roman Church came under the leadership of a priest named Augustine. Strange as it may seem, he formulated a church doctrine on marriage that resembled the edict of the former emperor Claudius. As can be seen by his own writings, Augustine was a man tormented over the whole subject of human sexuality. He finally came to the conclusion that for a man to be truly a “good soldier of the Faith,” he must not be distracted by any “carnal thoughts” like marriage. He thus instituted a practice that is still observed today, called the celibacy of the priesthood. Predictably, as with the soldiers of Emperor Claudius, this rule of celibacy brought much trouble upon the church, and has been a violently debated topic down through history. But if the decision had been left up to old Saint Valentine, you can be sure what his verdict would have been. Had he known what the future held for his own church perhaps he could have warned them. It seems odd indeed, that though Valentine had given his life in protest of the injustice of forbidding marriage, becoming a martyr, and being proclaimed a “Saint” by the church for his courage to stand for what was right, only a hundred years later to again see that same prohibition imposed within that very church… and so goes the great love story of Valentine… The legend of Valentine is an interesting one, and gives us some valuable insights… In these confusing days we live in, we are looking for a new day when there can be a restoration of pure love relationships. 

Step away from God and it becomes much, much easier to restore pure love to your relationships.  I promise.

Agnostic, Atheism, History, Love, Religion , , , , , ,

Monkeys Talk About Religion

January 15th, 2009

This is absolutely hilarious. After watching it, I went looking for the transcript, but came up empty. So, for your viewing and reading pleasure, I bring you “Monkeys Talk About Religion” from Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy (preceded by The Life and Times of Tim with “Gay Gary”).

MONKEYS TALK ABOUT RELIGION

Monkey Son: Dad, today at school my teacher said we evolved from other animals. That’s not true, is it?
Monkey Dad: Of course not, Steven. We were created by Monkey God in His Monkey image.
Monkey Son: But how do we know for sure God’s a monkey?
Monkey Dad: Well, do you think God throws his own poop and enjoys jumping up and down in place?
Monkey Son: Yeah…?
Monkey Dad: And do you think when he’s eating bananas, he periodically stops chewing and looks around with an angry expression to make sure no one’s plotting to steal them?
Monkey Son: Yeah…?
Monkey Dad: And do you think his ass is slightly less hairy than the rest of his body?
Monkey Son: Yeah.
Monkey Dad: Then, there’s your answer, champ.
Monkey Son: OK… but how do we know God really loves us?
Monkey Dad: Because his Son died for our sins. Monkey Jesus could have ripped off the Roman’s arms and masturbated all over their bodies, but he chose love instead. And I think that makes Him pretty darn special.
Monkey Son: Cool! Thanks, Dad!
Monkey Mom: How’s our son doing?
Monkey Dad: He’s going to be OK, Paula. He’s going to be OK.

Agnostic, Atheism, Religion, Science, Video , , , , ,

The Afterlife Test

October 25th, 2008

I accidentally found this when writing my Bryant Wright post!  Too funny.  You should try it.  Amazingly, I could not score less than 51 after three tries! What the hell? That only gets me to purgatory.  I guess with lame questions about income and questioning my beliefs, it skews the result.  For instance, I never question my beliefs, but neither would a devout suicide bomber I imagine. See what you can score and post your results here.

Enjoy:

Heading to Hell

Headed to Hell, I Guess...

Sampling of the questions for your reference (non-functional):

DO NOT ANSWER — USE LINK ABOVE!!


Our life on earth is:
a test for the Afterlife
to be enjoyed
to work hard
to help the world
insignificant
How often do you attend religious services?
never
only on major holidays
every month or two
almost every week
more than once a week
Which rules your life?
my job
my faith
my body
my mind
I am balanced
How holy do you feel?
holier than thou
holy
about average
more unholy than holy
very unholy
How often do you question your beliefs?
constantly
frequently
sometimes
rarely
never
How often do you indulge in guilty pleasures?
daily
often
sometimes
rarely
never
How would you describe yourself politically?
conservative
liberal
moderate
anarchist
fascist
How much money do you make per year?
less than $10,000
$10,000 – $25,000
$25,000 – $50,000
$50,000 – $100,000
over $100,000
Which is more important, hard work or creativity?
definitely hard work
hard work
about equal
creativity
definitely creativity
Which is more important, knowledge or faith?
definitely knowledge
knowledge
about equal
faith
definitely faith
Which is more important, the individual or the social order?
definitely the individual
the individual
about equal
the social order
definitely the social order
The most important discovery or invention was:
fire
electricity
the wheel
the printing press
religion
Which is more powerful, fate or free will?
definitely fate
fate
about equal
free will
definitely free will
Which is most important for civilization?
technology
biotechnology
the economy
art
literature
How would you like the Internet to evolve?
anything goes
more freedom
same as now
more laws
much tighter controls
“The answer is more important than the question”
strongly agree
agree
indifferent
disagree
strongly disagree
“All great truths begin as blasphemies”
strongly agree
agree
indifferent
disagree
strongly disagree
“People have too much freedom these days”
strongly agree
agree
indifferent
disagree
strongly disagree
“Government and the church should be separate”
strongly agree
agree
indifferent
disagree
strongly disagree
“The end justifies the means”
strongly agree
agree
indifferent
disagree
strongly disagree

Shamelessly copied from The Afterlife Test, by Heaven Hell Purgatory.

Agnostic, Atheism, Graphics, Polling, Religion, Science, Statistics , , , , , ,

Tony Snow – Dead at 53

July 12th, 2008

In light of Tony Snow’s untimely death today, I think this piece he wrote not quite a year ago for Christianity Today is pretty sad:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/july/25.30.html

To believe in something so fervently just to bring comfort to yourself and your loved ones about the pain, suffering, worry, and randomness of such events makes no sense. Even some of the passages seem written to convince the reader (and maybe even the writer) that his beliefs are not just fantasy.

Blessings arrive in unexpected packages—in my case, cancer.

Seriously?

Those of us with potentially fatal diseases—and there are millions in America today—find ourselves in the odd position of coping with our mortality while trying to fathom God’s will.

Uh, yeah… it’s certainly a challenge to discern “God’s Will” in a plan that includes as much death, disease, and destruction as His apparently does.  Just because people find strength through adversity does not mean there is a grand design or a designer.  In fact, I would suggest that this is direct evidence that there is NOT.

Although it would be the height of presumption to declare with confidence What It All Means, Scripture provides powerful hints and consolations.

OK, this is a problem.  Hints?  Consolations?  If I were all powerful and had left behind a book that was to give My most intelligent creatures some indication of my design, I might do better than vague hints and worthless consolations.  The bible is such a inconsistent mess, it’s hard to believe anything sensible can be gleaned from it. 

I don’t know why I have cancer, and I don’t much care. It is what it is—a plain and indisputable fact. Yet even while staring into a mirror darkly, great and stunning truths begin to take shape. Our maladies define a central feature of our existence: We are fallen. We are imperfect. Our bodies give out.

Here’s where a believer’s logic completely breaks down.  If it is “The Will of God” that you have cancer, why are you seeking a cure?! It’s God’s Will! Quit trying to alter God’s blessing for you. Even worse, these great and stunning truths were already there before you had cancer.  You were mortal before you had cancer. Why is it after these awakenings that people decide to live their life differently or more purposefully?

Love is free, and if you aren’t getting plenty of it, then you are not living right. Experiencing love without God getting the credit is wonderful. It focuses the energy and directs the action… it’s all you.  There is no other force behind your life.  Whatever you do with and for others is entirely your free will.  That’s what makes it so amazing.

Now get off the Internet, and go hug your kids, or kiss your wife, or walk your dog… Go tell someone that you love that you love them, especially if that’s not something you say frequently.

 

 

Atheism, Love, Politics, Religion , , , , ,

Love is Love. No God Required.

June 29th, 2008

I really like SOF (Speaking of Faith) on NPR Sunday mornings (yes, really). Krista Tippett has the good fortune to interview the most interesting people, and today it was Kate Braestrup. She serves as chaplain to the Maine Game Warden Service to support and comfort those that experience loss or tragedy in the Maine wilderness. A Unitarian Universalist minister, she is called upon to support search-and-rescue missions when children disappear in the woods or when snowmobilers disappear under the ice. I like her theology, which she says has become simpler over the years. She sums up her theology as “God is Love”. I am just a small baby step beyond her in that I refuse to include “God” in the whole idea of love. The way she presents her beliefs reduces to a semantic argument that certainly doesn’t require God to remain a wonderful idea.

The show’s producer, Colleen Scheck, makes an excellent point that has nothing whatsoever to do with theology, faith, or spirituality:

I love this week’s program with Kate Braestrup, chaplain to the game warden service in Maine. Simply, her practical theology just makes sense to me — a daily translation of spirituality into caring, useful, deliberate action.

Although, I am not as commited as the full-time chaplain, my wife and I spend most of our free time in the mode of caring, useful, deliberate action. Certainly, Kate, of all people, sees enough random tragedy that much of it makes little sense (if any). What impresses her is the “miracle” of people wanting to help. Every time there is tragedy, people appear to assist in any way they can… out of love for their fellow man. She indicated this to be the essence of love (and God) that she feels to be so profound. I agree… except (once again), this has nothing to do with God. I may be oversimplifying her point-of-view, but not much.

Why is it that people insist on a divine explanation for compassion, beauty, love, weather, etc.? We can all save ourselves a giant leap of faith by embracing life as it is, without the spooky magic and mysticism. The framework of theology simply is not required… in fact, it adds an inordinate amount of unnecessary noise to the process.

Although, would she be as revered if she were an atheist/agnostic psychologist serving the exact same role?

Atheism, Love, Religion , , ,