The other day I stepped into a Walgreens for some allergy medication (because I was pretty sure I was going to die), and during the 5 minutes I was inside on a Saturday night at 10pm in North Atlanta, some douche jammed a card into my door handle with this tease on the top:

Am I Going to Heaven?

It’s worth quoting from, if for no other reason than to make this easily searchable by web zealots bent on converting me (back).  I just don’t feel like typing it all, so here are some choice highlights:

The greatest book ever written was published in 1611. It’s name – The Holy Bible – authorized by King James. The reason for it’s greatness is that it is God speaking to us in English words.

Huh?  What a weird way to start a Christian track.  Who cares when it was published in English (words)? Authorized?  Well, thank goodness… then there’s no way it could be manipulated or untrustworthy, right?

The king gave the translators instructions designed to guarantee that the new version would conform to the ecclesiology and reflect the episcopal structure of the Church of England and its beliefs about an ordained clergy.
- Wikipedia

But I digress… it’s not terribly relevant when or how Christian mythology was further corrupted and usurped four centuries ago.  Several billion people don’t believe any of that crap.  Around a billion people actively do not believe in any god or gods, and you won’t be converting them because they have already been saved… by reason.

A couple of more highlights:

If you want to have joy in your heart under all circumstances…
If you want to be totally free from guilt…
If you want the power to overcome things you would like to change in your life…
If you would like to truly care about others, not for what they can do for you, but what you can do for them…
If you would like to never be alone again…

Hey!  That’s a lot like me!  I live that way, but I didn’t need God to make it happen. Getting rid of God, in fact, freed me to live that kind of life. I won’t address each one, but suffice it to say that you can realize these aspects of your life by being kind to others, living by the Golden Rule, getting an education, and generally not being an ass.  Things tend to fall in place when you live responsibly, god or no god.  People who naively cling to god as savior without squaring up the rest of their life are surely up for serious disappointment.  Examples of failures, misery, and hypocrisy are everywhere.

If I get the energy, I’ll type in the rest and say more about it… I’ve attached a scan of the entire thing if you are inclined to dissect it on your own.

Hey, and special thanks to Ken at:

Inprint, Inc.
P. O. Box 76147
Atlanta, GA 30358
inprintincorporated@yahoo.com

Stay away from my car.

Enjoy:

Headed to Hell, I Guess...

Sampling of the questions for your reference (non-functional):

Shamelessly copied from The Afterlife Test, by Heaven Hell Purgatory.