Lay Theism

I think this came from Playboy (might have been Penthouse), but it seemed worth sharing.  It’s a collection of the best and worst of Christian Consumerism, although I could only glean the worst from this particular collection… you might think I made up the descriptions.  I did not.  They are directly from the manufacturer’s materials with minor editorial commentary.

Click the picture for a larger view

Ranked in order from least offensive/ridiculous to most:

- Follow the Son sandals (flip-flops where I’m from) stamp “Follow Jesus” into the sand with every step. When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 He also supposedly died for our sins and cried about his father forsaking him the entire time.

- Gospel Golf Balls have a verse imprinted on the ball so that a even a lost ball can proselytize and save a lost soul. Set of three top quality golf balls, each inscribed with Scripture quotation from John 3:16, makes a unique witness opportunity on the green, and a terrific gift for the Christian golfer! For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

- For every lame parody for products such as Mountain Dew, there are also the lame religious parodies.  Believers call it witness wear.  Rather than having the effect the wearer intends, I would expect that it serves to deter most conversations. So, in a sideways reference to Jesus (not Judaism) the shirt implores you to “Do the Jew”… strictly in a religious sense I assume.

- Align is a men’s magazine that contains the complete New Testament.  According to the publisher, it makes the Bible as easy to pick up as your favorite magazine? The new BibleZine™ created with today’s modern guy in mind. With an edgy, techo-savvy style and content that makes Biblical truth fresh and relevant, it might just make Bible reading the best part of your day. By putting one of the most readable versions of the Bible, the New Century Version®, together with articles about the topics you face everyday, we’ve created a ‘zine that will help you get deeper in the Bible, find out what God has to say for your life, and grow in your faith.  Looks like there is just the one issue so far.

- Scripture Candy is reported by the CEO of the company to allow kids to “get a Christian message into schools without getting into trouble.” We take the best tasting candies and wrap them in Scriptures so that they can be passed out to everyone. It’s a great way to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. A single piece of Scripture Candy is like that seed planted by the sower in the parable spoken by Jesus in Matthew 13; it has the potential of producing a tremendous harvest. As you go along in your day-to-day routine, you can be one of the few workers Jesus was talking about by simply offering a piece of candy to everyone you meet, because they might be the next person the angels rejoice over in heaven for coming to know Jesus Christ as their Savior. Seriously?.

-  Bibleman, originally played by Willie Aames (also of Charles in Charge fame), is the hero of a long-running, brainwashing TV series.  The toy shown is wielding the Sword of the Spirit. Now kids and adult Bibleman fans alike can create their own adventures at home with these collectible, high-quality, detailed action figures. No fan of the Bibleman series can live without these hand-held replicas of the Caped One and his faithful sidekick. How else to practice intricate light-sword moves and snappy Bible-verse quotations?The Bibleman action figure is approximately 6″ tall and comparable in quality to action figures found in general market toy stores. Each figure is hand-painted and comes with accessories to allow for more intractivity. These toys will cleverly extend the number of available hours for aspiring young superheroes to train for their eventual audition. As Richard Dawkins says, this is basically child abuse.

There you have it.  The best and worst (primarily) of Christian Crap.

Atheism, Graphics, Religion crap, garbage, gift ideas, gifts, jesus, parody, reason

I wanted to blog on this real quick before it gets stale.  To honor my parents, I went to church today… it was utterly painful.  My parents live in another state, so it has been fairly easy to avoid church on major holidays for several years. To be in an Easter service for the first time since I am a confirmed* atheist was fascinating.  We attended one of the small-sized Methodist churches in my area, as I have several times, but this was the first time in this church.  They had removed most of the decorations from the sanctuary to symbolize the day Jesus died as well as covering the cross with a black sheet.  Then after some singing and Bible scripture recitation, with the organ music swelling, they brought everything back in and pulled the cloth from the cross on the wall… RESURRECTION!

Then the pastor proceeded to weave this tale about how the women that went to the tomb looking for Jesus were looking in the wrong place.  He tried to create these clever ideas to indicate that they should have never expected him there.  Duh!  He’s the son of God…  why would his broken body be lying in a tomb?  But then again, why didn’t he rise where everyone would see vs. in cover of night??  Wouldn’t that have solidified the event once and for all? But it was odd because he painted the picture of how implausible all this was as if to say, “… and because it’s so completely implausible makes it that much more miraculous!”  He confirmed for me that it’s all simple-minded mythology created by early man with virtually no understanding of the natural world.  That makes SO much more sense.  Think about it.

Anyway, I won’t belabor this as it was tiresome enough sitting through it…

The one bright spot is that as we are riding in the car, out of the blue my wife says, “I can’t believe people believe that crap.”  To which I said, “I know… it’s all very weird.”  Then we proceeded to have a light conversation about how wasteful and counterproductive it is to believe that god has a plan, and that everything happens for a reason, and all the silly shit that religious people believe.  We never really talked a lot about religion before we married, but we have come along to our current state of non-belief at about the same pace.  It’s really interesting, because we rarely talk about it, but when it comes up, we always seem to be in the same place.  I love her very much and having put religion (mostly) behind us has freed us up to concentrate on much more productive, earthly pursuits.  If we only have to attend church every few years while our parents are still with us, then so be it.  Worst case, it’s a nice refresher on why we don’t attend church.

Good luck to you on your quest for meaning and happiness.  You might try this as a starting point.

*If you haven’t been keeping up, I finally woke up within the past year and realized that I don’t believe one shred of the supernatural mumbo-jumbo that has been spoon fed to me since I was born. As far as my confirmation, after doubting for years and then studying non-belief by reading many of the excellent sources available, I became convinced… and that pretty much confirmed it.

Atheism, Love, Religion bible, church, easter, family, holiday, insane, jesus, marriage, resurrection, wacky